Dear Lillian:

I really feel your web site is a lifeline from God for mothers like me who have strained or non-existent relationships with their daughters. You probably hear this all the time, but I honestly never thought I would one day be estranged from my only daughter!

I have felt so lost and sad about being unable to bridge the gap that exists between us. I feel she hates me and no longer desires to have me be her mother or to have any place in her life. How we got to this place in our relationship I really don't know. All I do know is it's so painful and it is breaking my heart, literally.

God bless you dear Lillian for reaching out to mothers and daughters everywhere that truly want a good, healthy, loving and meaningful relationship with each other. Please teach and show us how to do this, so that that this important relationship is restored and harmony and love prevails instead of separation, bad feelings, hurt and anger towards each other. This is so painful that I am crying even as I am writing this. May God help us, for only He can.

My heartfelt thanks for addressing this painful situation that is more common than I ever thought it was. I thought it was just a problem between my daughter and me, for it is certainly something that few mothers discuss with each other! They most probably are ashamed of it (as I know I am) and don't want others to know that it is going on in their family. We want everyone to think everything is fine in our relationships with our grown daughters, when sometimes nothing could be further from the truth.

God bless you and your ministry.

A Heartbroken Mother

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Dear Heartbroken Mother:  

Thank you so much for your letter. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully, I will be able to offer some guidelines to help you in your difficult situation. First I want to congratulate you for overcoming a huge obstacle. You are not alone. By having the courage to write and let me use your letter, you help show so many women that they, too, are not alone in this. 

There are many women, both young and old, who have difficult or even non-existent relationships with their mother and/or daughter. The circumstances may vary and the issues change, but the underlying hurt is the same: that we have failed in this most precious of relationships. You may feel worthless or hopeless.

You did not give me the specifics of the problems you are having, so of course all I can offer are some thoughts on relationships in general that have helped me over the years. My prayer is that these will help you get started. I know ahead of time that this will not cover everything and it may not address exactly what you are struggling with, but I have asked God to be near you and comfort you and reward you for your courage.

With All my Heart,
Lillian

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Dear Lilly Pond Readers:

The more I thought about this mother's letter, the more I realized that there are so many areas where problems can occur. So I’ll be addressing this topic for the next several weeks here on the website. I plan to give one area to work on each week and I hope this will be a blessing. Here goes.